Last week, I wrote a personal blog that described the immense loss I felt this Christmas, because it was my first Christmas without Dad. The month leading up to the Christmas celebrations filled me with emptiness and depression as I felt that a Christmas celebration, which should be a celebration that involved family and close friends coming together, just would not be complete without the presence of Dad. I could not bring myself to get to the garden centre to pick out our Christmas tree. Dad loved gawking at my colourful Christmas tree each year, and he adored the smell of fresh pine. If Dad was not by my side at Christmas this year, why bother with a tree? I could not bring myself to go grocery shopping to prepare for our annual Christmas Eve dinner, so David took it upon himself to put the Christmas feast together. We did get on with it and celebrated Christmas in our usual way, inviting our extended family over for our annual Christmas Eve dinner, but I could not help feeling an even deeper sense of loss. So I set aside a glass of red wine and a plate of chocolates for Dad the way I had set aside a glass of milk and a plate of cookies for Santa every year when I was a child, hoping that wherever he was in spirit, he could see that I was thinking about him.
Spent from entertaining the family the night before, I spent my Christmas Day curled up in bed just wallowing in even more sadness and exhaustion. Just as I drifted off into deep sleep, I remembered seeing an image of myself in a dream, walking into an all-white living room. The floors, the walls and a sofa in thet room was all white in colour. Just beside the sofa was a corridor to a bedroom perhaps, and in front of it was a big Christmas tree that looked so beautiful. It had glittery baubles all over it and orange lights twinkling around it. As I was about to touch the tree, I felt a gentle nudge on my right shoulder that woke me up. I knew in that instant that that dream was delivering a message to me, perhaps from Dad.
It took me an entire evening of discussions with David before I realised what Dad was really trying to tell me. In fact, what got me nearer to the essence of the message was when David drew a picture of exactly what I had dreamt.
A Message From Dad
Dad was telling me that how beautiful a Christmas tree can be, a home will be cold and empty, if the family was not there to fill it with warmth, love and laughter. Christmas was all about the family. Dad loved Christmas when he was alive, and he had always loved how I had decorated my Christmas tree. Most of all, he enjoyed being surrounded by the family during Christmas. He enjoyed watching the kids tinkering with the baubles and putting a hole in the Christmas decorations from time to time, and laughed at my youngest nephew attempting to tear open some of my presents under that tree. With or without the tree, a Christmas without the family, was not Christmas at all.
So I started a conversation with Dad, using my Hanson Roberts Tarot deck. I felt Dad's presence as he guided my hand to pick the cards. I picked the World Reversed, the 4 of Wands, the 3 of Cups and the Sun.
These cards affirmed Dad's message to me. He acknowledged that when he had passed on, because it was so sudden, there was lack of closure, and we all just could not move on. There were so many things left unsaid. I felt particularly so because I was so busy juggling work, running my business and training most days at the gym that my conversations with Dad was relegated to the Sundays when I visited him. He was taken so suddenly from me that I had no time to say how much I loved him, how I wanted to take him to see the world on his wheelchair, and how much I wanted him to see Joel start his 2-year stint in national service. I just wanted more time with him. However, Dad wanted me to just accept that his time was up but he wanted me to get on with life and embrace it with positivity. He was happy to see that the family had come together to celebrate Christmas and he wanted to assure me that in spirit, he was amidst the din of the merry-making and did enjoy the atmosphere of family bonding, chatter and laughter at my home. At the end of it all, he wanted me to just let my hair down and enjoy Christmas for what it stood for - the family.
Dad's Gift To Me
So that was my gift from Dad. He "passed on that baton" to me, to ensure that I would continue to keep the family close, and did everything to fill the home with love and laughter. He promised to be behind me always, and in his way, he would carry me through the difficult times and fill it with as much sunshine as he could. He promised to continue to hold my hand through it all, in the way he had always done when I was Daddy's little girl. He nudged me on my right shoulder to wake me up from my slumber, as if to say, "It's your turn."
|My dream was captured in this picture that David drew. |
Beneath it were the cards Dad guided me to pick from my Hanson Roberts Tarot Deck
About The Writer:
The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade, and an intuitive reader by accident who deploys the combined modalities of Tarot, Numerology and Astrology overlaid with her Clairvoyant, Claircognitive and Clairsentient skills to deliver her readings with authenticity. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist. She is currently running a consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot. As a member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), Joanna governs her practice under the associations’ respective codes of ethics. She is currently mentoring fellow intuitives on the path of developing their intuitive potential and teaches Tarot and Numerology as well.