What Daddy Gave Me This Christmas

Missing Dad

Last week, I wrote a personal blog that described the immense loss I felt this Christmas, because it was my first Christmas without Dad.  The month leading up to the Christmas celebrations filled me with emptiness and depression as I felt that  a Christmas celebration, which should be a celebration that involved family and close friends coming together, just would not be complete without the presence of Dad.  I could not bring myself to get to the garden centre to pick out our Christmas tree.  Dad loved gawking at my colourful Christmas tree each year, and he adored the smell of fresh pine. If Dad was not by my side at Christmas this year, why bother with a tree?  I could not bring myself to go grocery shopping to prepare for our annual Christmas Eve dinner, so David took it upon himself to put the Christmas feast together.  We did get on with it and celebrated Christmas in our usual way, inviting our extended family over for our annual Christmas Eve dinner, but I could not help feeling an even deeper sense of loss. So I set aside a glass of red wine and a plate of chocolates for Dad the way I had set aside a glass of milk and a plate of cookies for Santa every year when I was a child, hoping that wherever he was in spirit, he could see that I was thinking about him.

A Dream

Spent from entertaining the family the night before, I spent my Christmas Day curled up in bed just wallowing in even more sadness and exhaustion. Just as I drifted off into deep sleep, I remembered seeing an image of myself in a dream, walking into an all-white living room. The floors, the walls and a sofa in thet room was all white in colour.  Just beside the sofa was a corridor to a bedroom perhaps, and in front of it was a big Christmas tree that looked so beautiful.  It had glittery baubles all over it and orange lights twinkling around it.   As I was about to touch the tree, I felt a gentle nudge on my right shoulder that woke me up.  I knew in that instant that that dream was delivering a message to me, perhaps from Dad. 

It took me an entire evening of discussions with David before I realised what Dad was really trying to tell me.   In fact, what got me nearer to the essence of the message was when David drew a picture of exactly what I had dreamt. 

A Message From Dad

Dad was telling me that how beautiful a Christmas tree can be, a home will be cold and empty, if the family was not there to fill it with warmth, love and laughter. Christmas was all about the family. Dad loved Christmas when he was alive, and he had always loved how I had decorated my Christmas tree.  Most of all, he enjoyed being surrounded by the family during Christmas.  He enjoyed watching the kids tinkering with the baubles and putting a hole in the Christmas decorations from time to time, and laughed at my youngest nephew attempting to tear open some of my presents under that tree.  With or without the tree, a Christmas without the family, was not Christmas at all.

So I started a conversation with Dad, using my Hanson Roberts Tarot deck.  I felt Dad's presence as he guided my hand to pick the cards.  I picked the World Reversed, the 4 of Wands, the 3 of Cups and the Sun.

These cards affirmed Dad's message to me.  He acknowledged that when he had passed on, because it was so sudden, there was lack of closure, and we all just could not move on. There were so many things left unsaid. I felt particularly so because I was so busy juggling work, running my business and training most days at the gym that my conversations with Dad was relegated to the Sundays when I visited him.  He was taken so suddenly from me that I had no time to say how much I loved him, how I wanted to take him to see the world on his wheelchair, and how much I wanted him to see Joel start his 2-year stint in national service. I just wanted more time with him.  However, Dad wanted me to just accept that his time was up but he wanted me to get on with life and embrace it with positivity.  He was happy to see that the family had come together to celebrate Christmas and he wanted to assure me that in spirit, he was amidst the din of the merry-making and did enjoy the atmosphere of family bonding, chatter and laughter at my home.  At the end of it all, he wanted me to just let my hair down and enjoy Christmas for what it stood for - the family.  

Dad's Gift To Me

So that was my gift from Dad.  He "passed on that baton" to me, to ensure that I would continue to keep the family close, and did everything to fill the home with love and laughter.  He promised to be behind me always, and in his way, he would carry me through the difficult times and fill it with as much sunshine as he could.  He promised to continue to hold my hand through it all, in the way he had always done when I was Daddy's little girl.  He nudged me on my right shoulder to wake me up from my slumber, as if to say, "It's your turn."

My dream was captured in this picture that David drew.
Beneath it were the cards Dad guided me to pick from my Hanson Roberts Tarot Deck

About The Writer:

The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade, and an intuitive reader by accident who deploys the combined modalities of  Tarot, Numerology and Astrology overlaid with her Clairvoyant, Claircognitive and Clairsentient skills to deliver her readings with authenticity. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist.  She is currently running a consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot.   As a member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), Joanna governs her practice under the associations’ respective codes of ethics.  She is currently mentoring fellow intuitives on the path of developing their intuitive potential and teaches Tarot and Numerology as well. 

Website: www.sungoddesstarot.com

 Email:  Joanna@sungoddesstarot.com

 Facebook:  www.facebook.com/SunGoddessTarot

 Twitter: www.twitter.com/SunGoddessTarot

 Instagram: @SunGoddessTarot

Getting To Know The Grandmother I Had Never Met

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Whether you are celebrating Halloween, Hallows’ Eve, Samhain, Dia De Los Muertos or Day of the Dead, All Saints’ Day or All Souls’ Day (celebrated by Catholics on 31 October and 2 November respectively), the significance of the celebrations in spite of the cultural, racial or religious differences remained the same.  Celebrations at this time were  held to honor our ancestors and relatives who had passed on.  So members of the Tarot Blog Hop community were tasked to write about a loved one or someone we admired or disliked that ties with Tarot.  I chose to write about my paternal Grandmother whom I have never met but had built a close connection with in the past months as I honed my claircognitive and clairaudience skills within the field of my developing mediumship abilities.

 

My Paternal Grandmother

 

My Granny’s name was Tan Suat Ngoh.  It was a name I could hardly pronounce and I knew very little about her apart from the fact that she died very soon after Dad graduated from the University and was about to embark on his first job.  Dad loved her dearly and the only few nuggets of information he had shared about her was that she died quite suddenly the night after eating soup which might have gone bad and that she was a very dutiful wife who sat by the window every evening to wait for my Grandfather to come home after whiling his nights away perhaps at the dancehalls. 

 

With just these little snippets of information, she already embodied the stoicism, strength and patience that I felt I could learn so much from as a Granddaughter.

Her sense of duty to her husband in spite of suffering the extreme loneliness of what seemed like a loveless marriage was commendable.  Yet in my heart, I harbored so much disdain for my Grandfather up till today and wished secretly that my Grandmother was still alive so that I could hold her and tell her how much I loved her and how grateful I was to her for nurturing my Dad to be my biggest hero in my life.

 

My Conversation With Granny

 

So, with the help of my Hanson-Roberts Tarot deck, I decided to have a little conversation with her, to get to know her better during her lifetime and to find out what lessons she wanted to share with me as I walked my journey as her Granddaughter in this life.  And here’s what she told me:

 

Her Life In The Past -   9 of Pentacles Reversed + 3 of Cups + The High Priestess + The Empress

 

Granny’s marriage to my Grandfather was a match arranged in accordance to our strict Peranakan family traditions.  They were both cousins. All she ever wanted was a beautiful home, surrounded by a loving family, and be provided with emotional and financial security, like most young women of that time. She probably had most of these but something was in the way of that complete picture of security and contentment that she had originally envisaged.  As the 3 of Cups and the High Priestess indicated, the major cause of this obstacle, was the fact that she spent much of her married life in an unhappy marriage because my Grandfather indulged in extra marital affairs and was never quite present for the family.  In fact, there was another prominent woman in my Grandfather’s life with whom he spent a lot of time with. 3 people in a marriage, made for a very uncomfortable situation at home, yet Granny stoically stood by his side, bore him 5 children and waited patiently for him by the window every night.  She stuck to her responsibility of raising the kids, managing the household, and being a dutiful and giving wife, with no complaints.  What free time she had, she spent those with the kids or played a local card game called “Chek Kee” with the other womenfolk in the household. What the cards had unveiled, were aligned to the stories that my Aunt and my Mom had told me.  My Aunt said, “The saddest picture imprinted in my mind for life, is watching my mother seated by the window every night, with a blanket around her shoulders to keep warm, as she waited for my father to return from “work”.”

 

Another thing I had gleaned from her life, was her love for nature.  In spite of the “prison of an unhappy marriage”, she was actually a free-spirit at heart.  She channeled the Empress card, not only in the way she nurtured the family, surrounded the home with warmth and loved my Grandfather unconditionally, she also loved to be surrounded by nature and often took walks by the sea.  This was affirmed by her when she communicated to me and showed me that vision of her walking by a river.  My Aunt validated that vision when she told me that one of Granny’s favorite activities was to take a walk along the East Coast beach that was nearby their home in a little village called Geylang before the Singapore government reclaimed the land.

 

Lessons From Granny's Past To Guide My Present – Knight of Pentacles + The Sun

 

Granny was a very patient woman.  Her life was her kids.  Even when my Grandfather was not present for the family, she ensured that she gave the kids everything they deserved. She surrounded the home and herself with as much positivity as she could muster and often looked at the bright side of things.  The one thing she always had, was hope. She pinned her hopes on her kids, expecting that one day, when they all grow up, they could lead useful lives, adding value to the community.  She had hopes that one day, my Grandfather would turn around and realize that she was his one true love.   So Granny wanted me to take a leaf from this page of her book.  She wanted me to approach everything I did with positivity, patience and practicality no matter the hurdles thrown in my path.   To her, my success would be measured by the effort and commitment I put into achieving my goals. No matter the circumstances, regardless of the challenges that I faced, she wanted me to stay focused on what I had set my heart and mind to do and to know that in my life, only I would be accountable for the outcomes because of the choices I have made. 

 

Her best advice to me, was that my life journey will undoubtedly be dotted by many bumps, twists and turns along the road.  Instead of fearing these challenges, avoiding them, or feeling negative about them, I should embrace them with positivity and hope.  Every situation, gives me the opportunity to learn, grow and develop as a person as long as I keep at it, stay focused, and be committed to my goals.  When the currents get rough, I have the choice to jump off the ship, adjust the sails, or steer the ship against the currents, and only I am responsible for any of these choices that I have made. 

 

Contentment - 10 of Cups

 

Granny died quite suddenly after suffering a night of stomach ailment.  She died about a month after my Dad graduated from the University.  His graduation, as the eldest son of the family, was her proudest moment as much as it was his.  Dad promised to look after her and provide for her when he started work.  However, this promise could not be delivered because she had died before he was able to do so.  Dad often told us that he felt so much regret and remorse about not being able to give her much when she was alive.  He too felt a lot of resentment for his late father, for not giving her the love she deserved. 

My Dad passed away in April this year.  Deep down in my heart, I know that he is in a happier place and by his mother’s side.  However, I needed validation and proceeded to pull another card asking Granny if Dad was with her at the moment. Guess what showed up?  It was the 10 of Cups.  “Enough said,” I whispered silently, “I am so happy that the family is now together and they are all now at peace.  One day, I will take my place by your side, Granny, so that you can tell me even more stories.”

 

Granny Is Always By My Side - Queen of Cups

 

As I thanked my Granny for being present and having that conversation with me, I pulled a last card to validate my relationship with her.  I picked the Queen of Cups and knew immediately how much she truly loved me.  Granny is one of my main guides who had been with me since I was young.  I know now because I have been talking to her more regularly as I developed my mediumship skills.  When I doubted my intuitive capabilities, I was shown a vision of a woman with another girl by her side.  When that woman pointed a finger in circular motion around her tummy to my question about how she had passed on, I shared that vision with my Aunt and my Mum who validated that she had died of a stomach ailment.  I asked my Aunt who that girl was by my Granny’s side that looked like she was a generation younger.  My Aunt affirmed that that was her sister.  My Granny had a daughter who died after accidentally falling off a tree when she was quite young. 

 

I did not need anymore validation.  My Granny was that maternal presence I had always felt around me since I was young.  She had been protecting me whenever I was about to fall into a pothole.  She held my hand whenever I was feeling down and lost.  She patted me on my back whenever I needed a bit of encouragement to take a little leap of faith.   

 

She was my Queen of Cups, my confidante and my mentor.  How privileged I felt to have a Granny sitting on the other side of the rainbow, watching over me.

 

 

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About The Writer:

 

The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade, and an intuitive reader by accident who deploys the combined modalities of  Tarot, Numerology and Astrology overlaid with her Clairvoyant, Claircognitive and Clairsentient skills to deliver her readings with authenticity. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist.  She is currently running a consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot.   As a member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), Joanna governs her practice under the associations’ respective codes of ethics.  She is currently mentoring fellow intuitives on the path of developing their intuitive potential and teaches Tarot and Numerology as well.

Website: www.sungoddesstarot.com

 Email:  Joanna@sungoddesstarot.com

 Facebook:  www.facebook.com/SunGoddessTarot

 Twitter: www.twitter.com/SunGoddessTarot

 Instagram: @SunGoddessTarot

 

 

Creating A Gem Of A Tarot Card For The Autumn Equinox

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This blogpost was written as my contribution to the 2015 Tarot Blog Hop themed to celebrate the Autumn Equinox or Mabon which falls on 22 September, marking the start of the Autumn season.  Our bloghop wrangler, Maureen AislingDuffy-Boose had asked that we pick a card from the Tarot deck that we associated most with the Autumn Equinox and attempt to create our own depiction of that card.

Celebrating Autumn Equinox With The Hanged Man

The Tarot card that I associate the Autumn Equinox with, is the Hanged Man, which is a card that reflects the process of letting go, healing, surrender, taking on different perspectives, change, and taking time out for learning new skills and gathering of new knowledge to lay the foundation stones for renewal.

Autumn as a season is much like the Hanged Man.  It is a time of release and letting go when we see the leaves turning colour from green to brown, and finally dropping off the trees with absolutely no resistance. As Mabon marks the second harvest where people gather and store crops to prepare for the impending winter months, it is also a reflection of a time to gather knowledge and skills to prepare us for what is to come.

  

A Time Of Letting Go

The Hanged Man, and its association with Autumn is particularly meaningful for me at this time,  In more ways than one, this has been a period where I had been giving myself some time and space to manage the letting go of several aspects of my life:

·       This was a period of spiritual renewal where I was forced to confront limiting factors from my past, let go of my ego, and deal with my anger issues caused by my fear of lack of control. Before I struggled with my intuition from time to time, but with this spiritual renewal, my intuition developed further from a space of heart-centredness.

·       This was a period of learning, studying, finding myself and honing my intuitive skills.  As a consequence of that purification process of letting go, I started letting go of my total dependence on my usual metaphysical tools of tarot cards, numerology and astrology as I developed my claircognitive and clairaudience skills.

·       This was a period of dealing with my resistance to the changes in the dynamics of my relationship with my son. This again, has to do with my fear of lack of control. Our relationship went through a roller-coaster of emotions from anger, to disappointment, to sadness simply because it was difficult to deal with his growing up and his preparing to “leave the nest”. I wanted to hold on to every last vestige of him.  Only when I learnt to let go of this fear of lack of control, and allow him to thrive as an independent young man, watch him learn from his own mistakes and explore the world around him without me, that I found peace again with my son.

·       This was a period of changes at my workplace.  Organizational changes always brought about uncertainty, stress and fear.  However when I learnt to let go and change my perspectives that the new environment could be a good opportunity to further push the boundaries of creativity and strategic thought leadership, that I was able to better manage the change and be a better mentor and manager to my team.

  

Designing My Hanged Man Card With Crystal Energy

When I thought about creating my own Hanged Man card for the Autumn Equinox, I felt I was not going to do it justice by copying the usual image of the Hanged Man depicted in most Tarot decks, that is, a figure suspended upside down from a tree. That image etched in the minds of most Tarotists  has already done a wonderful job of teaching us so much because that card is chocked full of meaningful symbolisms. 

From the Morgan Greer Tarot deck by Lloyd Morgan and Bill Greer

I wanted instead to create a card image that had the symbolisms of the Hanged Man card, yet was a reflection of my current journey and the support that I had been given to walk that journey.  So I chose to design my Hanged Man card using a combination of crystal gemstones and photography.

  

Co-creating The Hanged Man Crystal Gemstone Bracelet With Jennifer Toka

I loved working with crystals, and the energy of crystal gemstones are what had been supporting me through this period of change, when I had to manage stress, anxiety, the reluctance to let go, my anger issues and my vulnerabilities. So I got my friend Jennifer Toka, a fellow intuitive and jewelry designer who owned www.healingdragongems.com to design a bracelet for me to reflect this period of change, letting go and renewal that I was going through.  I wanted her to pick the gemstones and design the piece using purely her intuition and my vision.  Part of the brief, was that because Jennifer was also a professional photographer, I wanted her to take a photograph with that jewelry as the subject but composed the image by using purely her intuition, in such a way that would allow the image to depict what the Hanged Man card was all about.  

Take note that Jennifer lives thousands of miles away from me.  She is in America and I am in Singapore.  Yet when we worked on this project together, it was almost like we were speaking to each other in our dreams, telepathically building a piece of jewelry together and linking that jewelry to my past, my present and my future. We co-created the image of the Hanged Man card together using her creativity, our intuitive skills, and our vision.

Designed and photographed by Jennifer Toka, www.healingdragongems.com

Metaphysical Properties Of The Gemstones Within The Hanged Man Bracelet

For the main imagery, the final outcome resulted in a bracelet made up of gemstones that were very much Autumnal in colours and had properties to support me in my process of renewal and letting go:

·       Gold Rutilated Quartz which cleanses, energizes and removes barriers to spiritual growth,

·       Cat’s Eye Quartz to transform negative thoughts, ground and enhance intuition,

·       Garnet for illuminating darkness, lessening anger, build courage,

·       Amber to balance emotions, clear the mind, ease stress and manage fear,

·       Carnelian to give courage to move forward onto a new path

·       Ruby to recharge energy and stimulate creativity

·       Amethyst for healing and calming emotions

·       Moonstone to support intuition and connection with higher self.

·       Smoky quartz for grounding, and removing negative energy

Stringing The Bracelet Together To Symbolize The Hanged Man

Aside from the metaphysical properties of the stones that aided me in my time of change, letting go and renewal, Jennifer was guided to string them all together in such a way where the focal gem of Gold Rutilated Quartz paired with the Garnet actually symbolized the Sun Goddess emerging from an eclipse.  Because Autumn equinox was about the balance of light and day, the Amber in its Autumnal colour was positioned to balance the strength of the Gold Quartz and the Garnet.  She put 4 dark cherry polished Amber stones on each side of the bracelet because the Hanged Man is usually depicted being hung upside down with his legs crossing to make the number 4, the number of building of foundations through  the gathering of knowledge and skills.  Because Autumn and the Hanged Man were symbols of changing perspectives and renewal, the bracelet started with dark coloured Amber at the top and then separated by the green pearl to symbolized change, followed by the brighter gemstones that symbolized renewal.

She then fastened a gold Chinese coin at the end of the bracelet. This coin honors my Chinese heritage, and as a coin, it not only had protective energy but much like the ancient days where coins were buried with the dead to aid them in their passageway across the other world, this Chinese coin symbolized my passageway from my old self, to a renewed self.

When Jennifer held the completed bracelet up, the piece resembled the original Hanged Man imagery where the focal gem of that Gold Rutilated Quartz  resembled the head of the Hanged Man, the Chinese coin resembled his torso, and the gems on each side of the focal point of the bracelet were his arms.

I loved this beautiful piece of jewelry so much that I had dreams of co-creating a piece of jewelry with Jennifer for the rest of the cards in the Tarot deck, and I would have called it the Healing Dragon Gems Tarot Deck!

After putting this bracelet together with the highly symbolic gemstones that reflected the essence of the Autumn Equinox and the Hanged Man card,  Jennifer then put her photography skills to work by composing an image of what we both thought would best depict the Hanged Man card in Tarot using that bracelet.

  

Behold Our Version Of The Hanged Man Card

Photo credit: Jennifer Toka and Strve Murphy
Concept direction:  Joanna Ash

Our version of the Hanged Man card depicts an image of a mother suspending her baby up in the air.  She wanted to play “airplane” with her by tilting her downwards with her arms outspread just like an airplane swooping down the sky.  Her baby clearly felt uncomfortable in that position and was poised to cry.  Just like the Hanged Man, the mother was hoping for her daughter to surrender in trust that Mummy will never allow her to be accidentally dropped from her hands.  In assurance, Mummy held her close, and that was a representation of the Divine help that we get when we faced challenges that required us to step back, recalibrate our thoughts and just Let Go, Let God.

Just as the Hanged Man card was about learning knowledge and garnering skills, Jennifer was teaching her daughter the skill of flexibility, building trust through play, having fun by letting go of fear.

Just as the Hanged Man card was about sacrifice, release and letting go, Jennifer’s relationship with her daughter was a manifestation of the same because of the sacrifices she had to make along the way as a Mother for the love of her daughter.  She would be spending these years, nurturing her daughter, knowing that it would be a relationship of a lot of good times as well as bad times but at the end of it, she would need to let her go as she walks into adulthood. 

Finally, on the mother’s wrist, is the Autumn Equinox bracelet which she had specially made with the gems that reflect the essence and color of Autumn. We also opted to name the card SURRENDER instead of calling it the Hanged Man. Surrender, most aptly defined the Autumn Equinox and everything that the season stood for, knowing that annually, the season brought with it the typical changes of mother nature which served to prepare us for the harsher months of Winter.

I hope you like the Hanged Man card created by Jennifer and I.  If I had the opportunity to develop a full Tarot deck of 78 cards using Jennifer’s intuitive jewelry designing skills and her photography, I definitely would.  Do check out Jennifer’s awesome work at www.healingdragongems.com and if you were to place an order for a piece of jewelry from her, do quote Sun Goddess to get your 15% discount.

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About The Writer:

The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade, and an intuitive reader by accident who deploys the combined modalities of a Tarot, Numerology and Astrology overlaid with her Clairvoyant and Clairsentient skills to deliver her readings with authenticity. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist.  She is currently running a consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot,  which provides confidential intuitive readings combining the metaphysical disciplines of Tarot, Numerology and Astrology via face to face and emails as well as readings at corporate and private events and workshops.  As a member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), Joanna governs her practice under the associations’ respective codes of ethics.  She is currently mentoring fellow intuitives on the path of developing their intuitive potential and teaches Tarot and Numerology as well.

Website: www.sungoddesstarot.com

 Email:  Joanna@sungoddesstarot.com

 Facebook:  www.facebook.com/SunGoddessTarot

 Twitter: www.twitter.com/SunGoddessTarot

 Instagram: @SunGoddessTarot

I Do What I Do Best Because I Am Who I Am

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?”  ~ Marianne Williamson, Return to Love 

Discovering A Common Pattern In My Readings

I often swap tips and stories with fellow intuitives and felt so inadequate that they seemed to be able to connect with their guides so clearly, but it was much harder for me as I might lose my focus due to other images coming into my mind.  So, I started analyzing all the readings I had done in the last few months using a combination of channeling and my Tarot cards.  There seemed to be a common technique I noticed that I had used in the readings, starting each reading by connecting with my clients' chakras, going into visioning, automatic writing and then Tarot cards for validation.  There was also a common theme to these readings.  I noticed that within all of them. I had connected to past energies very strongly and these past energies had a significant impact in my clients' present circumstances and potentially future outcomes.  An example of a reading like this can be found here.

Working With Past Energies To Support Healing Work

One of my intuitive coaches, Karina Ladet, comforted me during my moments of self-doubt by reminding me that each intuitive reader was different in their skills, abilities and techniques and she felt that one of my gifts was to help clients with their present issues by uncovering past issues that they had to release.  So she wanted me to acknowledge that gift, nurture and hone it to sharpen these skills.  

First Channeling Session For Marianne

I had the opportunity to do so with a client Marianne.  Please note that I have changed her name in this blog post to protect her privacy. I worked on her healing process for some weeks. When I started channeling for Marianne, I was not given any background to any issues she might have had then. After I got into deep meditation to ground myself, I ran my hands around my chakra points to connect with hers, and found her throat chakra so tight that it was choking me.  It was as if she was trying to express herself but could not do so.  Her crown and third eye chakras were brilliant that  I was able to connect with the white light just above these chakras.  Of course they were, she was a fellow intuitive and I knew these chakras were opened and she was, on her own, also trying to connect with her higher self.   That was when 2 people appeared in my vision holding on to a door as if to open it, but I also saw a child clinging onto her right thigh, as if she was demanding for attention.  At that point, my heart and solar plexus tightened and I felt a cord attached to both these chakras, causing a lot of anxiety and fears. 

Nothing Is Ever What It Seems

As I had seen a child in my vision, I asked Marianne if she had lost a child before and she admitted that she had suffered a miscarriage.  I then deduced straight away that the cord of anxiety was caused by her experience of that miscarriage and her worries about whether she could have more babies in the future.  I wished I had remembered then that an ex-boss and friend once told me, "nothing is ever what it seems." 

Then as I continued my visioning work, I saw a hill and I kept gasping for air. As a psychic empath, I thought that I was assuming Marianne's anxieties and her efforts to cope with her grief.  So I told her, " I think I see a hill and perhaps you need to go sit there for awhile to meditate and release your anxiety and grief."  She nodded in agreement to that advice and I then proceeded to visualize myself helping her to cut the cords from her solar plexus and heart chakras.  I was also guided by my messages that I had to do a grounding meditation, draw up the healing energy from the earth in my visualization and then sent Marianne that healing light.  

Marianne left that session happy and we both felt that we had  addressed her issues.  Nothing is ever what it seems.

Second Channeling Session For Marianne

2 weeks later, she called on me again.  She was clearly in despair and she said, " I feel I am not to able to manifest abundance.  I feel a lot of anxieties about not being able to have another child.  Maybe it is because I don't deserve it."  I chided her for such negative thinking but it struck me that this depression, was not a new problem.  She had been there before numerous times and her negativity seemed to be haunting her again due to an unresolved issue.  So I decided to channel for her again.  This time, I ventured to go back a little further, and go in a little deeper.

During my  second  channeling session with Marianne, I saw a few images and proceeded to write them down. The first image was that of a child lying on the floor holding on to her long skirt as if she was throwing a tantrum.  It was as if the child was reacting to not getting what she wanted from her parent.  However, while in the last channeling session, I had seen the child from a 3rd person's viewpoint, now, I seem to be seeing the adult from the child's viewpoint.  It occurred to me suddenly that I was looking at the adult from Marianne's eyes. The child was actually Marianne!   Wow!   The second image was that of the child's face welded  into Marianne's heart like it was branded onto her chest.  My heart and solar plexus chakras tightened again, reflecting Marianne's own fears and anxieties.  She was clinging on to a burden of pain, fear and anxiety in her heart.  I thought I had cut those cords!  The third image was of Marianne lying down and resting, as if she was recuperating from a battle.  The fourth image was of a  lady who turned her back away from me to walk into the light.  I interpreted it as a message telling her to surrender to the light of the Universe.  I felt a burning in my throat chakra at that point and it was telling me there were things she wanted to express but she could not.  My right neck and right back of head hurt too, as if she was carrying a past burden of disappointment or guilt.   

Right On The Button

The lightbulb in my head just went off.  I realized that after 2 channeling sessions, the real issue Marianne was suffering from was her clinging to past disappointments or guilt that had occurred during her childhood.  This was a recurring issue that haunted her and because he had not sought closure, she could not let go of the past, and consequently, she was not able to be healed. 

With that conclusion, I then proceeded to draw my Tarot cards to validate my findings.  I picked the 6 of Swords, 7 of Swords, the 6 of Cups reversed and the Sun reversed.  The cards validated my interpretation of the messages I got from these visions.  I saw a story unfolding in my head, like a video playing a home movie. Marianne was clinging on to a past disappointment when the family went through a divorce and her father left her mother and her due to his infidelities.  As a child, Marianne felt so much guilt about not being able to do anything to help the situation and worse, her mother had to struggle through that single motherhood to try to bring little Marianne up on her own.  As she was unable to cope with providing for Marianne, the little girl was sent to a government-funded childcare facility.  Marianne suffered depression as a result.  That child in my vision in both channeling sessions, really was Marianne trying to deal with her past of growing up in a broken home. 

The Healing For Marianne

With this insight, I advised Marianne to do a healing meditation together with me.  On my part, I went deep into meditation and visualised myself cutting the final cords to her "inner child".  On her part, she went deep into meditation where she sat with her "inner child" for a while to acknowledge its presence, and all the feelings of hurt and disappointment.  In her visualisation process, she embraced her "inner child", and offered it love and healing.  She visualised herself going through a photo album with her "inner child".  That photo album was filled with pages of her childhood photos.  Then after embracing her "inner child" and letting the past hurts dissipate in both their tears, she saw her "inner child" walk away and disappearing across a hill.  I remembered that in the first channeling session, I saw that hill.  Now I realised what that hill had symbolised.

The Healing For Me

This reading for Marianne, was a tremendous eye opener that affirmed Karina's very wise advice that I should focus on honing my skills in working on past energies to support my clients' journeys  through their respective healing process.  

I often questioned my intuitive abilities, and turned the messages and visions  I got in my mind's eye around for umpteen times, then ended up not communicating these messages and visions at all out of fear that I might be wrong.   However, Karina's advice had gotten me to approach Marianne's reading from a different perspective.  This had helped uncovered the root cause of the issue and opened the right door for us to work on her healing process. 

A big takeaway for me from Karina's advice and my reading for Marianne, was the need to have the courage to love myself and trust in my intuitive gifts without the need for validation. Thanks to these ladies, I was reminded that I do what I do best because I am who I am. 

"A Woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing.  She goes where she will without pretense and arrives at her destination prepared to be herself and only herself."  ~  Maya Angelou 

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About The Writer:

The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade and an intuitive reader by accident. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist.  She is currently running a consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot,  which provides confidential intuitive readings combining the metaphysical disciplines of Tarot, Numerology and Astrology overlaid with her Clairvoyant and Clairsentient skills via face to face and emails as well as readings at corporate and private events and workshops.  A member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), she is also a reader for the Free Tarot Network and mentors Tarot protégés on behalf of the American Tarot Association.

Website: www.sungoddesstarot.com
Email:  Joanna@sungoddesstarot.com
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Photo Credit:  Joel Lee, East Coast Beach, Singapore