What Daddy Gave Me This Christmas

Missing Dad

Last week, I wrote a personal blog that described the immense loss I felt this Christmas, because it was my first Christmas without Dad.  The month leading up to the Christmas celebrations filled me with emptiness and depression as I felt that  a Christmas celebration, which should be a celebration that involved family and close friends coming together, just would not be complete without the presence of Dad.  I could not bring myself to get to the garden centre to pick out our Christmas tree.  Dad loved gawking at my colourful Christmas tree each year, and he adored the smell of fresh pine. If Dad was not by my side at Christmas this year, why bother with a tree?  I could not bring myself to go grocery shopping to prepare for our annual Christmas Eve dinner, so David took it upon himself to put the Christmas feast together.  We did get on with it and celebrated Christmas in our usual way, inviting our extended family over for our annual Christmas Eve dinner, but I could not help feeling an even deeper sense of loss. So I set aside a glass of red wine and a plate of chocolates for Dad the way I had set aside a glass of milk and a plate of cookies for Santa every year when I was a child, hoping that wherever he was in spirit, he could see that I was thinking about him.

A Dream

Spent from entertaining the family the night before, I spent my Christmas Day curled up in bed just wallowing in even more sadness and exhaustion. Just as I drifted off into deep sleep, I remembered seeing an image of myself in a dream, walking into an all-white living room. The floors, the walls and a sofa in thet room was all white in colour.  Just beside the sofa was a corridor to a bedroom perhaps, and in front of it was a big Christmas tree that looked so beautiful.  It had glittery baubles all over it and orange lights twinkling around it.   As I was about to touch the tree, I felt a gentle nudge on my right shoulder that woke me up.  I knew in that instant that that dream was delivering a message to me, perhaps from Dad. 

It took me an entire evening of discussions with David before I realised what Dad was really trying to tell me.   In fact, what got me nearer to the essence of the message was when David drew a picture of exactly what I had dreamt. 

A Message From Dad

Dad was telling me that how beautiful a Christmas tree can be, a home will be cold and empty, if the family was not there to fill it with warmth, love and laughter. Christmas was all about the family. Dad loved Christmas when he was alive, and he had always loved how I had decorated my Christmas tree.  Most of all, he enjoyed being surrounded by the family during Christmas.  He enjoyed watching the kids tinkering with the baubles and putting a hole in the Christmas decorations from time to time, and laughed at my youngest nephew attempting to tear open some of my presents under that tree.  With or without the tree, a Christmas without the family, was not Christmas at all.

So I started a conversation with Dad, using my Hanson Roberts Tarot deck.  I felt Dad's presence as he guided my hand to pick the cards.  I picked the World Reversed, the 4 of Wands, the 3 of Cups and the Sun.

These cards affirmed Dad's message to me.  He acknowledged that when he had passed on, because it was so sudden, there was lack of closure, and we all just could not move on. There were so many things left unsaid. I felt particularly so because I was so busy juggling work, running my business and training most days at the gym that my conversations with Dad was relegated to the Sundays when I visited him.  He was taken so suddenly from me that I had no time to say how much I loved him, how I wanted to take him to see the world on his wheelchair, and how much I wanted him to see Joel start his 2-year stint in national service. I just wanted more time with him.  However, Dad wanted me to just accept that his time was up but he wanted me to get on with life and embrace it with positivity.  He was happy to see that the family had come together to celebrate Christmas and he wanted to assure me that in spirit, he was amidst the din of the merry-making and did enjoy the atmosphere of family bonding, chatter and laughter at my home.  At the end of it all, he wanted me to just let my hair down and enjoy Christmas for what it stood for - the family.  

Dad's Gift To Me

So that was my gift from Dad.  He "passed on that baton" to me, to ensure that I would continue to keep the family close, and did everything to fill the home with love and laughter.  He promised to be behind me always, and in his way, he would carry me through the difficult times and fill it with as much sunshine as he could.  He promised to continue to hold my hand through it all, in the way he had always done when I was Daddy's little girl.  He nudged me on my right shoulder to wake me up from my slumber, as if to say, "It's your turn."

My dream was captured in this picture that David drew.
Beneath it were the cards Dad guided me to pick from my Hanson Roberts Tarot Deck

About The Writer:

The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade, and an intuitive reader by accident who deploys the combined modalities of  Tarot, Numerology and Astrology overlaid with her Clairvoyant, Claircognitive and Clairsentient skills to deliver her readings with authenticity. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist.  She is currently running a consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot.   As a member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), Joanna governs her practice under the associations’ respective codes of ethics.  She is currently mentoring fellow intuitives on the path of developing their intuitive potential and teaches Tarot and Numerology as well. 

Website: www.sungoddesstarot.com

 Email:  Joanna@sungoddesstarot.com

 Facebook:  www.facebook.com/SunGoddessTarot

 Twitter: www.twitter.com/SunGoddessTarot

 Instagram: @SunGoddessTarot

Tarot Tip Tuesdays - Busting Some Tarot Myths

Myth #1:
You need to be a psychic clairvoyant to be a good Tarot reader.

Reality:
Wrong.  There are so many great Tarot readers who are not clairvoyants.  You just need to have a heart of compassion and be attuned to your intuition.  Anyone can learn to read the cards.  The knowledge is opened to those who are curious, who love to explore and learn new things all the time, who are not afraid to  take on life’s adventures along with the Fool on his journey and who embrace the compassionate quest of using the cards to help and guide others.

Myth #2 :
Tarot cards are evil things that come in between you and God’s will.  By reading Tarot for others, you would be influencing the querant’s actions and hinder what has been pre-destined.

Reality:
Wrong.   You are the master of your own destiny.  The cards can only be a guide to help you make the right choices for the highest good.  Where free will comes in, is when the querant has that free will to make that choice he or she deems will influence the right outcome  That is why I am adamant about doing a Tarot reading in a positive way, that is advice-centric and clear on purpose.    A tarot reader should not tell a querant what to do, what choices to make, or which direction to take.  Life is full of options and a Tarot reader’s role is to use the cards to provide options, like a friend, offering a friendly advice to help the querant along his or her journey.

Myth #3:
Tarot readers need to be wearing long flowing skirts, dressed like gypsies and have a zen-like composure

Reality:
Wrong.  A tarot-reader should be true to him or herself.  It does not matter what you wear and how you look.  You don’t have to keep a zen-like composure all the time.  Just be yourself and you might earn better trust from your clients by being REAL. I am loud,  very direct  and will not mince my words. I am also a boxer who just happens to be a Tarot reader.  It does not make me a bad Tarot reader.  It just makes me different.  I don’t have a crystal ball, a headscarf and all the trappings of a “fortune-teller” at the fair ground.  But I am comfortable in my boxing gear of shorts and T-shirt and still read Tarot with plenty of compassion.  So far, I haven’t had any complaints.

Myth #4:
Reading Tarot is un-Christian and defies God’s will.

Reality:
Wrong.  Doing and saying things which serves only  yourself at the expense of the highest good, is un-Christian and defies God’s will.  A clear purpose of using your intuitive gifts and talent to help others, is not.

Myth # 5:
Because Tarot readers violate God’s will by influencing the actions of their querants, most Tarot readers die young, lead unbalanced lives and meet with tragic circumstances.

Reality:
Wrong.  Along with many of my Tarot reading friends in the international community, I am blessed with so much abundance and a zest for life.  If I die young, and I am not young, by the way, that’s okay, because I have lived my life to the fullest, loving every day, and being loved every day.  So this is DEFINITELY a myth and laughable at that.

About The Writer:

The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade, and an intuitive reader by accident who deploys the combined modalities of a Tarot, Numerology and Astrology overlaid with her Clairvoyant and Clairsentient skills to deliver her readings with authenticity. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist.  She is currently running a consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot,  which provides confidential intuitive readings combining the metaphysical disciplines of Tarot, Numerology and Astrology via face to face and emails as well as readings at corporate and private events and workshops.  A member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), she also mentors Tarot protégés.

Website: www.sungoddesstarot.com
Email:  Joanna@sungoddesstarot.com
Facebook:  www.facebook.com/SunGoddessTarot
Twitter: www.twitter.com/SunGoddessTarot

Photo credit: Vivien Tan, www.grumpymonkee.com
Tarot deck:  Kat Black's Golden Tarot
Bespoke embroidered Tarot bag: Lovingly made by Ania M.

Trust In The Message Behind Every Vision

I used to struggle with my visions as I developed my clairvoyant and clairsentient skills.  You see, I was brought up to assess a situation and provide a solution through a rational decisioning process.  Embracing the "alien" concept of  allowing my intuition to lead the way took a lot of time, persistence and patience.  However, I am so glad that I am not treading this journey alone. I found a safe space within which I could slowly open up to surrendering to my higher self and trusting  my intuition.

When I was guided by my intuition to look further into a situation beyond the actual questions that my clients had approached me with, I knew it would be the Universe’s way of telling me that I could do a lot more to help the client, and there were more messages that I was compelled to provide.

Last week, my client Ava, who lived in Frankfurt,  approached me for advice on an issue regarding whether or not to sell her home so that she could relocate to France, to work and live. It seemed to be a straight forward reading at first glance but when I started channeling for her, I was in for a surprise. 

So let me explain the process I took to do her reading.  

Piecing A Story Together Through Channeling

First I went into meditation to clear my mind and ground myself.  Then I channeled Ava and ran my hands across my chakra points to find where her blockages were. My crown and third eye chakras were buzzing which indicated to me that Ava’s crown and third eye chakras could be opened and she might be more intuitive than she was aware of or she had let on.  My heart chakra was burning and I felt a cord of negativity there which indicated to me that Ava might have had suffered an emotional trauma, heartbreak or disappointment.  She had been clinging to it for awhile.  I made a mental note to ask her for permission later to cut that cord once I did more channeling to find out the underlying cause for the presence of that cord.  So that was when I was overwhelmed by a huge wave of depression, sadness and claustrophobia.  It was almost choking me.  I knew then that it was a negative energy surrounding Ava that I was dealing with then.  The message I got then, was to look into that house and whomever lives or had lived in there.

 I then went into a process of "visioning".  As I had visions forming in my mind's eye, I wrote down everything I saw.  Every minute that I had spent writing out the words, I felt my heart weighed increasingly heavier with despair and anger.  I knew, as a psychic empath, that they were not mine but that belonging to the energy or Ava herself.  These are what I wrote:   1) Someone leaving through a door, some luggage was next to him. The man had a hat and an old fashioned leather luggage, much like one dressed in the 50s maybe? Or 60s? 2) A man in between 2 women.  There was a 3rd party conflict or a love affair? 3) Mental anguish over 2 people or dual personality?  A decision or choice must be made. 4) A dark room with a small window.  It looks like a room, hospital room or a room like in a prison cell?  5) I feel a lot of fear, anxiety, and depression. 6) A tall building that looks like a clock tower nearby., 7) A train? It looks like an old steam train.  My visions stopped at these but I believed these visions had to do with a previous occupier of the home, someone related to Ava, who was either parents or relatives of Ava.  

Ava confirmed that these visions were associated with her mother who had committed suicide many years ago in that home she now lives in.  Ava's mother had never forgiven her husband for an affair he had.  He fell in love with an English lady whom he had met during one of his travels. Ava's parents had big fights over the issue which affected a very young Ava then.  Her father finally left  home to live in England with his new love and never saw Ava or her mother again.  This explained my vision of the man with the luggage leaving through a door as well as another vision of the clock tower which I realized was actually the Big Ben. The  years of loneliness and resentment that Ava's mother had experienced after, took a toll on her mental well-being that she often called her home a "prison".  This explained my vision of the small room that looked like a prison cell.  Ava felt that her mother had suffered imprisonment within her own mind.   

I believed that this incident in the past, had imprisoned Ava from her bid to find a direction in her life where she could start afresh.  She was still living in that home, she had anxiety issues herself, she had just come out of a messy divorce and she was unclear what her goals were when I asked.

Connecting The Story With The Querant Through Numerology 

The next thing I did was to do a numerological assessment for her to help me piece that connection between her experience in the past and it's impact on her life now.

Ava had  a hidden emotional number 4.  This indicated that she was quite repressive.  She kept her true feelings within herself although she was highly sensitive.  She also disliked any kind of emotional situations that could potentially cause her a lot of stress and discomfort.  She was quite practical though and would mask her true feelings just to get things done.  This explained why Ava had never shared this background of her past with me, but instead wanted to soldier through her feelings of guilt to sell her home so that she could move on. Yet, she felt undecided if that was the right thing to do.

She had a hidden physical number 2.  She could be  very sensitive, and might suffer from lack of confidence.  She was very vulnerable and self conscious, and had the potential to suffer anxiety and depression. This connected very much to the cord of negativity that I had felt in her heart.

Ava had a hidden intuitive number  2.  This explained why her crown and third eye chakras were buzzing.  She was highly intuitive and extremely sensitive.  She had a tendency to direct her thoughts to spiritual and metaphysical matters.  I believed that Ava also had the traits of an empath, although she was not aware of it herself. Her sensitivity had led her to assume the same depression, anxiety and fear that her mother had suffered from.

Her character number was 4. This meant that Ava was a practical person who had a strong streak of determination in her.  She might have realized for awhile that she needed to sell her home and move on, hence her approaching me for advice about selling her home.  However, she was wrought with so much guilt about losing the home and fear about facing a new future of uncertainties. In spite of these feelings, her repressive 4 character found it difficult for her to give me a more in - depth background of her situation.


Using Tarot To Complete The Story And Provide Advice

I picked 3 cards to affirm my understanding of Ava's mother.  The High Priestess Reversed, 3 of Swords Reversed and Queen of Swords Reversed showed up.  These  were classic cards in Tarot that confirmed that Ava's mother suffered a broken heart from her husband's affair and spent the rest of her days living in bitterness.

I then picked 3 cards to connect Ava with her past and the 5 of Cups Reversed, 6 of Swords Reversed and King of Wands Reversed showed up.  These were interesting picks as I saw the indelible mark that the trauma of her mother's broken marriage and eventual suicide had caused Ava.  Ava suffered a lot of residual resentment, hurt, regret and guilt for her mother's suffering that Ava herself now suffered a low self esteem and tremendous lack of confidence. She had dreams of starting afresh in a new country but had no courage to act upon these dreams.

Her current situation with the house was manifested in the 2 of Swords Reversed and the 8 of Swords Reversed which told  me that she was actually ready to put the past behind her and embrace change.  However she was stuck with the indecision of what to do with the home and where her best options lie because of the associated guilt of giving up her childhood home.

To help provide her with the options to make the right decision I picked the World Reversed to ascertain if Ava should keep her home, rent it out and make best use of her life in Frankfurt. This card clearly indicated that this option would prevent her from getting the closure she needed from her past.

I then picked the Death card to ascertain if she should sell the home, and use the proceeds to relocate to France. This was a clear indicator that she should put that major aspect of her life behind her and look to embracing a new future ahead of her. Selling that home would kickstart that process.

I decided then to finish my reading by picking 2 cards to offer her  generic advice on how to manage her future direction.   The Page of Pentacles and the Star card showed up. These cards advised her to turn her desires into a tangible goal by putting together a viable action plan.  She had so much to do,  She had  to start the administrative process of putting the home up for sale, look for a job in France, find a new home there and the list of "to-do"s while daunting, just had to be systematically acted upon if she wanted to see some light at the end of the tunnel.  Her future was full of hope and positivity, but she needed to act on it now to turn her life around.

Telling The Story In A Compelling Manner

When I read for my clients, I am ultimately putting pieces of the puzzle together to write a compelling story for  them so that they could get a clearer picture  from which they could see beyond what they had originally wanted to see.  Ava's is one such story where she finally came to terms with the fact that her clinging on to her home was her way of keeping her mother in her memory out of guilt.  As a daughter, she felt helpless that she could not be of more help and support to her mother.  However, I told her that "Mum wants you to know that you will bring her much pride and put her spirit at rest if you could move on to build a more productive life for yourself  in another  home that promises to be better and happier."

I was so glad I had let my intuition take the lead and trusted the messages behind the vision that I got.

This is a true account of a reading for my client.  All names and locations have been changed to protect his or her privacy.

About The Writer:

The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade, and a tarot card reader by accident. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist.  She is currently running a Tarot consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot,  which provides confidential intuitive readings combining the metaphysical disciplines of Tarot, Numerology and Astrology via face to face and emails as well as readings at corporate and private events and workshops.  A member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), she is also a reader for the Free Tarot Network and mentors Tarot protégés on behalf of the American Tarot Association

Website: www.sungoddesstarot.com
Email:  Joanna@sungoddesstarot.com
Facebook:  www.facebook.com/SunGoddessTarot
Twitter: www.twitter.com/SunGoddessTarot
Blog: http://sungoddesstarot.blogspot.com

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The Reluctant Empath

To Be Able To Feel So Deeply Is Both A Blessing And A Curse

I have been constantly feeling drained.  This had been happening for years, and I used to think that that was caused by a life of poor diet, insufficient sleep and work stress.  However, several years later, after fixing my health issues with a daily dose of balanced nutrition, some physical activity like yoga, brisk walk or sessions with the personal trainer at the gym, my health was back on the mend but my constant exhaustion seemed to get worse.

I also noticed that my  "gut feeings" got increasingly more sensitive.  I often accurately picked up sentiments, or issues that someone else was facing just after a few minutes of talking to him or her.  I sometimes picked up on a pain or an ailment that a friend living far away might be suffering from just because I thought about her at a particular moment or was communicating wth her via Facebook at that time,  When a friend told me that her uncle had passed away a few months ago, I suddenly felt that I was being choked and could not breathe,  I was told later that her uncle died of breathing complications.  When a client told me that her sister had passed away, I felt a sudden pain at the back of my head and found out later that her sister had died of brain tumor.  More importantly, in circumstances like these, I often felt a cord of bereavement and sadness tied between these friends and their loved ones who had passed on, and it was obvious that they had difficulty letting go.  I went into panic attacks when I felt the fear, anxiety or disappointment that my clients were going through.  These situations were often so intense that I did not need my Tarot cards to tell me more about them.

These, and many other observations I had gleaned about myself over the years became more intense this year and It was through conversations with similarly intuitive friends and  mentors that I found out that I was an Empath.   To read up more about an Empath, do read the article here : http://theknowing1.wordpress.com/2011/07/01/at-a-glance-30-traits-of-an-empath/

It became a curse when I found it difficult to control the negative energies that I took on from others. It drained me considerably when I felt the pain and sufferings of other people.  I felt like a hypochondriac, developing imaginary aches and pains that were not actually there in my body. Or I might feel low and depressed because I saw the anguish of a friend's brother for example, through her eyes although she lived in the US and I lived in Singapore.   I felt her pain of not knowing how to help him, while at the same time I felt her brother's anxiety and anger that he had been going through.  I gleaned all that without her providing me the details and I spent a day nursing a migraine and back pain because of this.

It became a bigger curse as my very close friends and colleagues were aware of my gift of clairvoyance and mediumship, and would diplomatically tell me, "keep it to yourself".  I have even got friends who were uncomfortable about having a nice quiet dinner with me just because they "don't want to know."

However, just as it was a curse, It became a blessing when I realized my empathy helped me understand my clients' life journeys enough for me to help support them along the way.  Being an Empath helped me feel what they felt within their situations and understand them better.  Being a psychic Empath helped me focus on the root cause of their situations and provide them with better advice to deal with them.

 Learning To Be Gentle With Myself

When I realized that I needed to quickly learn to control and manage my intuitive gifts positively, I began a search for answers.  Yesterday, the most important thing I had learnt was encapsulated in the words of Danielle Dove -  "the best way of getting rid of my feelings of insecurity, was to get on my path of serving my life purpose".  My feelings of insecurity had always been a stumbling block, a hurdle placed across my path by my ego.  My insecurity reared it's ugly head when I feared how others thought about me or worse, I was so worried that when I interpreted anything based on my gut feel, it could  be wrong because my rational mind started to analyze it and mentally build a business case for what could explain that gut feel in practical terms.

So this week, I learnt to be gentle on myself. I learnt to acknowledge my intuitive gifts, and more so, I learnt to acknowledge some of the pitfalls of my gifts like the insecurities, the constant drain on my energy and the pains or sadness I had absorbed from other people.  I asked myself then, "What were these experiences attempting to teach me and what purpose did they have for their existence before sending them some love and light for healing.  

I learnt to take care of myself better,  I rested when the body and mind told me it needed rest to recharge and recuperate.  I learnt to listen more intently to my clients and look beyond the Tarot Cards, Numerology and Astrology for more insights that could help offer them even better advice.  I learnt to meditate with better focusedness and clearer intent, visualizing what I had intended to manifest at the end of the meditation session.  I learnt to ask for help from the Universe for everything, shedding away my ego and my pride.   When I needed help to stay grounded when it got all too much for me, my mind and body automatically went on "rest" mode.  When I felt a calling to sink my feet deep within the grass, I would gather the dogs and go out for a walk by the beach.   

Guided By The Empress

Today, I meditated to the Empress card.  I picked the card from the Radiant Rider Waite deck.   The Empress depicted within the card wore a crown of stars which suggested her connection to the mystical realm of angels and spirit guides.  She had an intuitive connection to the divine which allowed her to tune in to the messages she needed to fill the earth with her love and abundance.  It was a message for me to tune into my higher self  and trust the messages it provided that was necessary for the healing of my clients and myself.   The Empress was full-bodied and pregnant, dressed in a rich robe with images of pomegranates printed on her robe.  This hinted to me that I had to be ready for the birth of a new aspect of myself, a new awareness of my capabilities and what it could do for my clients and myself.  The Empress sat amongst lush greenery.  She was an archetypal earth mother, very connected with nature.  She called to me to be grounded and renew my spirit by re-connecting with nature regularly.  I needed that. When it got all too much for me, I needed to go walk barefoot in the park and feel the wind in my face.

The Empress was governed by the planet Venus which was the planet of love and harmony.  She reminded me that I must always come from a place of pure intent, directing my gifts to serve only the highest good, in love, truth and light.  I must trust my instincts and my intuition, even without the use of my Tarot cards, my Numerological calculations or my Astrological assessments.  I had to learn to create harmony of body, mind and spirit within myself so that I could better help others. 

The Empress guided me  to learn to trust my own capabilities to manifest healing with my gifts as an Empath.

About The Writer:

The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade, and a tarot card reader by accident. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist.  She is currently running a Tarot consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot,  which provides confidential intuitive readings combining the metaphysical disciplines of Tarot, Numerology and Astrology via face to face and emails as well as readings at corporate and private events and workshops.  A member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), she is also a reader for the Free Tarot Network and mentors Tarot protégés on behalf of the American Tarot Association

Website: www.sungoddesstarot.com
Email:  Joanna@sungoddesstarot.com
Facebook:  www.facebook.com/SunGoddessTarot
Twitter: www.twitter.com/SunGoddessTarot
Blog: http://sungoddesstarot.blogspot.com

The Empress from the Radiant Rider Waite Tarot deck updated by Virginijus Poshkus