Friday 30 October 2015

Getting To Know The Grandmother I Had Never Met

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Whether you are celebrating Halloween, Hallows’ Eve, Samhain, Dia De Los Muertos or Day of the Dead, All Saints’ Day or All Souls’ Day (celebrated by Catholics on 31 October and 2 November respectively), the significance of the celebrations in spite of the cultural, racial or religious differences remained the same.  Celebrations at this time were  held to honor our ancestors and relatives who had passed on.  So members of the Tarot Blog Hop community were tasked to write about a loved one or someone we admired or disliked that ties with Tarot.  I chose to write about my paternal Grandmother whom I have never met but had built a close connection with in the past months as I honed my claircognitive and clairaudience skills within the field of my developing mediumship abilities.


My Paternal Grandmother

My Granny’s name was Tan Suat Ngoh.  It was a name I could hardly pronounce and I knew very little about her apart from the fact that she died very soon after Dad graduated from the University and was about to embark on his first job.  Dad loved her dearly and the only few nuggets of information he had shared about her was that she died quite suddenly the night after eating soup which might have gone bad and that she was a very dutiful wife who sat by the window every evening to wait for my Grandfather to come home after whiling his nights away perhaps at the dancehalls. 

With just these little snippets of information, she already embodied the stoicism, strength and patience that I felt I could learn so much from as a Granddaughter.
Her sense of duty to her husband in spite of suffering the extreme loneliness of what seemed like a loveless marriage was commendable.  Yet in my heart, I harbored so much disdain for my Grandfather up till today and wished secretly that my Grandmother was still alive so that I could hold her and tell her how much I loved her and how grateful I was to her for nurturing my Dad to be my biggest hero in my life.


My Conversation With Granny

So, with the help of my Hanson-Roberts Tarot deck, I decided to have a little conversation with her, to get to know her better during her lifetime and to find out what lessons she wanted to share with me as I walked my journey as her Granddaughter in this life.  And here’s what she told me:


Her Life In The Past -   9 of Pentacles Reversed + 3 of Cups + The High Priestess + The Empress

Granny’s marriage to my Grandfather was a match arranged in accordance to our strict Peranakan family traditions.  They were both cousins. All she ever wanted was a beautiful home, surrounded by a loving family, and be provided with emotional and financial security, like most young women of that time. She probably had most of these but something was in the way of that complete picture of security and contentment that she had originally envisaged.  As the 3 of Cups and the High Priestess indicated, the major cause of this obstacle, was the fact that she spent much of her married life in an unhappy marriage because my Grandfather indulged in extra marital affairs and was never quite present for the family.  In fact, there was another prominent woman in my Grandfather’s life with whom he spent a lot of time with. 3 people in a marriage, made for a very uncomfortable situation at home, yet Granny stoically stood by his side, bore him 5 children and waited patiently for him by the window every night.  She stuck to her responsibility of raising the kids, managing the household, and being a dutiful and giving wife, with no complaints.  What free time she had, she spent those with the kids or played a local card game called “Chek Kee” with the other womenfolk in the household. What the cards had unveiled, were aligned to the stories that my Aunt and my Mom had told me.  My Aunt said, “The saddest picture imprinted in my mind for life, is watching my mother seated by the window every night, with a blanket around her shoulders to keep warm, as she waited for my father to return from “work”.”

Another thing I had gleaned from her life, was her love for nature.  In spite of the “prison of an unhappy marriage”, she was actually a free-spirit at heart.  She channeled the Empress card, not only in the way she nurtured the family, surrounded the home with warmth and loved my Grandfather unconditionally, she also loved to be surrounded by nature and often took walks by the sea.  This was affirmed by her when she communicated to me and showed me that vision of her walking by a river.  My Aunt validated that vision when she told me that one of Granny’s favorite activities was to take a walk along the East Coast beach that was nearby their home in a little village called Geylang before the Singapore government reclaimed the land.


Lessons From Granny's Past To Guide My Present – Knight of Pentacles + The Sun

Granny was a very patient woman.  Her life was her kids.  Even when my Grandfather was not present for the family, she ensured that she gave the kids everything they deserved. She surrounded the home and herself with as much positivity as she could muster and often looked at the bright side of things.  The one thing she always had, was hope. She pinned her hopes on her kids, expecting that one day, when they all grow up, they could lead useful lives, adding value to the community.  She had hopes that one day, my Grandfather would turn around and realize that she was his one true love.   So Granny wanted me to take a leaf from this page of her book.  She wanted me to approach everything I did with positivity, patience and practicality no matter the hurdles thrown in my path.   To her, my success would be measured by the effort and commitment I put into achieving my goals. No matter the circumstances, regardless of the challenges that I faced, she wanted me to stay focused on what I had set my heart and mind to do and to know that in my life, only I would be accountable for the outcomes because of the choices I have made. 

Her best advice to me, was that my life journey will undoubtedly be dotted by many bumps, twists and turns along the road.  Instead of fearing these challenges, avoiding them, or feeling negative about them, I should embrace them with positivity and hope.  Every situation, gives me the opportunity to learn, grow and develop as a person as long as I keep at it, stay focused, and be committed to my goals.  When the currents get rough, I have the choice to jump off the ship, adjust the sails, or steer the ship against the currents, and only I am responsible for any of these choices that I have made. 


Contentment - 10 of Cups

Granny died quite suddenly after suffering a night of stomach ailment.  She died about a month after my Dad graduated from the University.  His graduation, as the eldest son of the family, was her proudest moment as much as it was his.  Dad promised to look after her and provide for her when he started work.  However, this promise could not be delivered because she had died before he was able to do so.  Dad often told us that he felt so much regret and remorse about not being able to give her much when she was alive.  He too felt a lot of resentment for his late father, for not giving her the love she deserved. 

My Dad passed away in April this year.  Deep down in my heart, I know that he is in a happier place and by his mother’s side.  However, I needed validation and proceeded to pull another card asking Granny if Dad was with her at the moment. Guess what showed up?  It was the 10 of Cups.  “Enough said,” I whispered silently, “I am so happy that the family is now together and they are all now at peace.  One day, I will take my place by your side, Granny, so that you can tell me even more stories.”


Granny Is Always By My Side - Queen of Cups

As I thanked my Granny for being present and having that conversation with me, I pulled a last card to validate my relationship with her.  I picked the Queen of Cups and knew immediately how much she truly loved me.  Granny is one of my main guides who had been with me since I was young.  I know now because I have been talking to her more regularly as I developed my mediumship skills.  When I doubted my intuitive capabilities, I was shown a vision of a woman with another girl by her side.  When that woman pointed a finger in circular motion around her tummy to my question about how she had passed on, I shared that vision with my Aunt and my Mum who validated that she had died of a stomach ailment.  I asked my Aunt who that girl was by my Granny’s side that looked like she was a generation younger.  My Aunt affirmed that that was her sister.  My Granny had a daughter who died after accidentally falling off a tree when she was quite young. 

I did not need anymore validation.  My Granny was that maternal presence I had always felt around me since I was young.  She had been protecting me whenever I was about to fall into a pothole.  She held my hand whenever I was feeling down and lost.  She patted me on my back whenever I needed a bit of encouragement to take a little leap of faith.   

She was my Queen of Cups, my confidante and my mentor.  How privileged I felt to have a Granny sitting on the other side of the rainbow, watching over me.


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About The Writer:

The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade, and an intuitive reader by accident who deploys the combined modalities of  Tarot, Numerology and Astrology overlaid with her Clairvoyant, Claircognitive and Clairsentient skills to deliver her readings with authenticity. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist.  She is currently running a consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot.   As a member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), Joanna governs her practice under the associations’ respective codes of ethics.  She is currently mentoring fellow intuitives on the path of developing their intuitive potential and teaches Tarot and Numerology as well.

 Instagram: @SunGoddessTarot