Monday, 26 May 2014

Clear Cancel And Delete

Have you had the experience when you had just completed writing a long report for your boss filled with well-thought through plans and recommendations, or wrote a beautiful blog post charged with powerful heart-felt emotional energy, or wrote a long complaint letter to the authorities about what you would like to see improved within the community, then reviewed what you had written with the intention of sending the document through, only to go back to the paper to clear, cancel and delete, and start writing all over again?

That was what I did with the help of one of my intuitive coaches, Danielle Dove.  I did it with past energies that no longer served me.

I Shared The Same Issues With My Clients

Over the years, the intuitive readings that I had done for my clients were focused on uncovering the root cause of their present issues and helping them let go of past energies that had significant impact on these issues. I was always filled with a mega sense of gratitude that the Universe had guided them my way so that I could serve my purpose when I worked with these clients.

However,   I forgot that from time to time, even though we deployed every ounce of our positive energies to  help others as lightworkers, we might have our own residual negative energies from the past that we might need to take care of.  And that can only happen if and when we were made aware of it by someone slightly further removed from our day-to-day lives enough to lend an objective view to our issues.

I was filled with a mega sense of gratitude when the Universe blew Danielle my way, to do the same.  She managed to help me uncover the root cause of my present issues, my blockages, fears and anxieties.   I believed that when I managed to identify the root cause of these issues with her help, confront them with a measure of love and compassion,  and then let them go with all the courage that I could muster, it made me a better lightworker.  I saw myself in my clients with that extra dose of empathy so that  I could better walk that journey along with them.

How My Past Energies Affected The Present

You see, I spent years helping others, and was oblivious to the signs of my own issues.  I enjoyed channeling for others.  It felt great when I could obtain the visions and the messages to help them.  When it came to channeling for myself though, I was left with a complete blank in my mind’s eye.  It frustrated me greatly when I felt that I could not connect clearly with my guides for myself.

Sometimes, I went through mood swings and blamed it on the fact that as a psychic empath, I was picking up on the energies of others around me.  On good days, my readings for my clients were so easy.  On days when I went into these odd mood swings, these reading sessions seemed to look like a 8th grade concert performance.  I would be hit with the anxiety to “perform” in front of my clients.   I knew I needed help, but I was not sure how or what help I needed so Danielle came to the rescue.

She took me through a very emotionally-draining but much -needed exercise of going back to when I last felt angriest, saddest, anxious and lost.  Then we went in deeper to look at myself  then in that situation, through the eyes of my present self.  I had to  confront the situation, acknowledged how I felt then, embraced it with love and compassion and then I had to willingly let it all go.
After that exercise, I woke up to several facts that I did not realize were affecting me:

  • My past issues with my Mum after my divorce, though resolved on a physical plane, had actually left a residual sense of rejection within me.  I was not aware of it because my current relationship with Mum is fabulous and we are very close.  However, every time I came face to face with a challenge, a blockage or a delay in my work or personal life, I viewed it as a rejection of me.

  • That sense of rejection from that past incident, dictated how I conducted my relationship with my son presently.  So the anger, sadness and sense of rejection surfaced whenever my son did or said something that reminded me of how it felt like to be rejected.  Even something as simple as taking his dinner into his bedroom and shutting his door behind him, so that he could have his dinner in privacy and in front of his computer games, filled me with a sense of his rejecting for not wanting to have dinner with me.

  • Similarly, when I meditated and attempted to get into the zone enough to connect with my guides, I kept getting fuzzy images, sometimes nothing at all, or when I did meet my guides, I felt as if I was being questioned, “What are you doing here?”  I viewed these blockages as a rejection from my guides.

  • When I met a difficult client who was close-minded and skeptical about my intuitive abilities, I would usually do more grounding to protect myself from his or her energy.  However, the session might end up with my being left with a bitter taste in my mouth because I felt as if I was being rejected by the client.

I feared rejection.  My fear of rejection, if left unchecked could have been the biggest obstacle to my ability to serve my purpose with 100% commitment.

Opening Myself To Change And Letting Go

I often tell my clients, “Be open to change and let go of whatever that no longer serves you.”  With Danielle’s help, today I am able to tell myself that.  When I visited Mom over the weekend, my heart rushed out to embrace her with love.  I was more conscious of every effort she put into cooking my lunch, and twirling my hair into a little chignon so that stray strands of my long hair would not get in the way of my food.  I celebrated her laughter at my jokes as if she was the only member of my audience.  I was so grateful for the affection she showered on me when she turned my upturned t-shirt label at the nape of my neck inward and patted it back in place.  

When Joel was busy with his homework, I hugged him and told him how much I loved him. I held him close at church during mass as if to say how much I appreciated him being there.  

When I channeled my guides last night, I saw so clearly their faces in my mind’s eye.  I saw the glow around their features, even to the detail of the glasses on one of my guides.  I rejoiced and whispered my gratitude for their patience with me.     

Last week, when I spoke to Danielle, she had asked me this question, “On the scale of 1-10, 10 representing the deepest feeling of rejection, how did you feel when you visited that place in the past when you felt rejected by your family?”  My answer was a firm 8.   Today, I asked myself the same question and my answer is a firm 0. 

I have successfully cleared, cancelled and deleted what no longer served me and was committed to leaving behind that old Jo who had spent years fearing rejection, so that I could look forward to building a better relationship with my guides, and serving my soul purpose better.

10 of Swords

This evening, I picked up the 10 of Swords from my Radiant Rider Waite Tarot deck and meditated on it.  I was so glad that my eyes went straight for the rising sun beyond the horizon, and took in the calmness of the clear blue sea within the card image.  The card seemed to assure me that the darkness would soon be dispelled, once I had stopped focusing on the 10 swords left stuck behind the man’s back.  However, like the exercise Danielle did with me earlier, I acknowledged the presence of the 10 swords and embraced them with love and gratitude for the lessons they taught me.  I imagined myself lying there with these swords in my back and began to pull them out one by one: 

  1. My divorce 15 years ago after an unhappy marriage,
  2. The friends who took sides against me after the divorce,
  3. My family’s rejection of me because divorce was “uncatholic”,
  4. My inability to spend more time with a sickly granddad because the family did not welcome me into their home,
  5. My struggles as a single mother,
  6. Years of financial uncertainty,
  7. Years of emotional instability, moving from home to home, bad boyfriends to worse boyfriends,
  8. Discovering the infidelities of my fiancé,
  9. The incessant fights with an ex-boss who did not respect me or my work
  10. The skepticism of my friends and some clients in my intuitive gifts when I first set up my consultancy Sun Goddess Tarot

The swords came out clean, and I visualized clean, green earth energy healing the wounds the swords had left behind my back.  I was able to get on my feet, and walk towards the sunshine in the horizon without the weight of these burdens on my back.

I believed that my guides were always there with me but they were just waiting for me to be ready to approach them from a space of love.  I saw them clearly for the first time last night when I channeled and acknowledged their glowing presence with my prayers of gratitude. 

 I am now ready to work closely with my guides to get my clients through their past issues.  So are you ready and willing to let go of your past that no longer serve you positively?

About The Writer:

The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade and an intuitive reader by accident. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist.  She is currently running a consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot,  which provides confidential intuitive readings combining the metaphysical disciplines of Tarot, Numerology and Astrology overlaid with her Clairvoyant and Clairsentient skills via face to face and emails as well as readings at corporate and private events and workshops.  A member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), she is also a reader for the Free Tarot Network and mentors Tarot protégés on behalf of the American Tarot Association.


10 of Swords from the Radiant Rider Waite Tarot deck updated by Virginijus Poshkus

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